Currently I've been throwing up since 10 PM last night. I haven't slept, I've cried a lot and prayed a lot that I could/would stop. My biggest fear is going into labor without sleeping at all and while I'm "sick"/ when I'm throwing up. I'm out of my medicine and out of crackers :( I'm going to get some later when Zack gets his break (sharing the car) and when the doctors office opens up.
It's hard bc I am supposed to eat bc if I don't, I throw up. Well I've been eating and then throwing up no more than 30 mins after. This isn't a new thing but it also isn't every night. It's about 3 or 4 nights of the week and then randomly sometimes during the day. I can't sleep almost ever. I pee and am so uncomfortable all the time but the throwing up just makes it that much worse. It's the worst feeling in the world and the worst smell too. I really can't wait to be not pregnant. This third trimester has been by far the worst EVER! I threw up a ton before but it was bc I had to eat every 1.5 or else. Now I don't know what is causing it! I have no ideas... My body hates being pregnant is the only guess I have. I'm very lucky that I have a healthy baby and I'm measuring normal. I've gained a healthy amount of weight but I don't know how I'm still gaining weight bc these last three weeks I've not kept much down :(
I feel horrible about how much I hate being pregnant. I feel guilty and like I'm a bad mother but it's really hard for me to get excited about having a baby or the fact that Jameson is almost here bc I'm SICK all the time and I'm sooooooo tired. I just want to laugh, dance, sing, run and feel good/ feel like me again. It's hard being pregnant in general but being sick and pregnant.... I didn't know I'd be one of those people but I've been one of those people.
I miss working FULL time, I miss school (never thought I'd say that), I miss running, I miss dancing, I miss eating anything I want, I miss not eating if I'm not hungry, I miss not taking meds everyday, I miss not sleeping bc I choose to not sleep lol! I miss sleeping bc I want to sleep, not because I'm so tired that I finally pass out on the couch and wake up with a sore neck. I miss liking people! Not that I don't like you guys but it just isn't the same... I'm tired and sick and it's hard to be excited to be social or to see anyone except Zack :( Sorry but it's sorta true - especially as of late.
Anyways, This really isn't meant for you to feel bad for me. This is written and meant for me to not feel as alone during this time. ZACK has been amazing but it's hard bc I wont wake him up when I'm sick. I don't like it when he doesnt sleep and then has to go to work. It's hard bc I'm stubborn and don't like people around or feeling bad for me when I'm sick. I get embarrassed. It's also hard bc I put on a face around people and no one really sees how bad it is or how hard this is for me. Anyways, I hear I'll forget all this once I see my little sweet innocent baby. I hope so. I want more kids, I just don't want to be sick like this again. If I'm this sick well I don't think I can keep having kids. It's way to hard on my body and physically/ mentally I don't think I can raise a child while throwing up this much. The poor child would have to raise himself. :(
It's hard bc I am supposed to eat bc if I don't, I throw up. Well I've been eating and then throwing up no more than 30 mins after. This isn't a new thing but it also isn't every night. It's about 3 or 4 nights of the week and then randomly sometimes during the day. I can't sleep almost ever. I pee and am so uncomfortable all the time but the throwing up just makes it that much worse. It's the worst feeling in the world and the worst smell too. I really can't wait to be not pregnant. This third trimester has been by far the worst EVER! I threw up a ton before but it was bc I had to eat every 1.5 or else. Now I don't know what is causing it! I have no ideas... My body hates being pregnant is the only guess I have. I'm very lucky that I have a healthy baby and I'm measuring normal. I've gained a healthy amount of weight but I don't know how I'm still gaining weight bc these last three weeks I've not kept much down :(
I feel horrible about how much I hate being pregnant. I feel guilty and like I'm a bad mother but it's really hard for me to get excited about having a baby or the fact that Jameson is almost here bc I'm SICK all the time and I'm sooooooo tired. I just want to laugh, dance, sing, run and feel good/ feel like me again. It's hard being pregnant in general but being sick and pregnant.... I didn't know I'd be one of those people but I've been one of those people.
I miss working FULL time, I miss school (never thought I'd say that), I miss running, I miss dancing, I miss eating anything I want, I miss not eating if I'm not hungry, I miss not taking meds everyday, I miss not sleeping bc I choose to not sleep lol! I miss sleeping bc I want to sleep, not because I'm so tired that I finally pass out on the couch and wake up with a sore neck. I miss liking people! Not that I don't like you guys but it just isn't the same... I'm tired and sick and it's hard to be excited to be social or to see anyone except Zack :( Sorry but it's sorta true - especially as of late.
Anyways, This really isn't meant for you to feel bad for me. This is written and meant for me to not feel as alone during this time. ZACK has been amazing but it's hard bc I wont wake him up when I'm sick. I don't like it when he doesnt sleep and then has to go to work. It's hard bc I'm stubborn and don't like people around or feeling bad for me when I'm sick. I get embarrassed. It's also hard bc I put on a face around people and no one really sees how bad it is or how hard this is for me. Anyways, I hear I'll forget all this once I see my little sweet innocent baby. I hope so. I want more kids, I just don't want to be sick like this again. If I'm this sick well I don't think I can keep having kids. It's way to hard on my body and physically/ mentally I don't think I can raise a child while throwing up this much. The poor child would have to raise himself. :(
Anyways, I'll blog about our GREAT Christmas and my BEST birthday soon! I have to go. I feel like I'm gonna throw up again. I'm lucky I was able to sit this long ..... Sorry this post is depressing and lame. I really do love my life and my husband and my son that will be here soon. There is so much I'm blessed with that it's dumb I even needed to vent. Love you all
Ashley
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